La Vie Boheme

I came across this email I recieved 4 years ago, I dont delete emails....

My girlfriend had a boyfriend once who was a socialpath. During the time when her mother was drinking and was always passed out and cussed at her and told her she wasn't her daughter, she went into a deep depression. When she was 10 her father died so she really had no one else. She got no love and no time to relax. She began 2 cut due to her depression. This boy who's soul I would easily take and have no remorse convinced her that he cared about her but slowly he started treating her like shit. he cussed at her, hit her, and used her strictly 4 oral sex. He put her down constantly. She hit rock bottom and became bi-polar and continued to cut. One time he grabbed her head and forced her even when she said no but she always said no but did it anyway because she didn't want to lose the only peron she thought cared about her except for that one time. his friend took pictures of it once and they both ende up in trouble. She ended up looking like a slut and him like he was great. I burning hatred resides in my heart for this boy but she has asked dat i not kill him. This all happened a year ago but due to her meds and the way her mother raised her she surpresses bad expieriences. There are so many others on top of that that are hitting her all at once and once again she is going into deep depression. I love her and it has been mentally and physically affecting me. I deal with stuff like this everyday and not just from her. I need to devote all my time to helping her get through this cus like I said I love her. I am so tired Arnell, in so many ways. Im so tired everyday...everyday I want to break down and cry but I can't becus people need me. She needs me. I am no longer a good friend. I am no longer whatever anyone needs me to be for whatever reasons and im sorry for that but I hav sacrificed enuf and I kno where my priorities ly as of rite now. U been mad at me off and on again 4 whatever reason and im sorry im so horrible. im sorry for being whatever it is I am Im sorry.

It created an excuse when there was no excuse, and now that I go back and read this and realize just how riduculous this sounds. And im sure at the time I was so in awe of his sensitivity. Im a lame. Whatever. Im not even gonna put my response on here, i didnt even read it, because I know it was lame. The whole situation was lame, and to think I wanted to be friends with him again, ha! I need to leave P.G. County, there is nothing left for me here.

To Sodimy, its between God and Me

I'm concerned about my future and where everyone falls in place within that future. But I need to make decisions based on me, not anyone else, because while they might be around I still have to be happy with my decision in the end. But I'm so damn scattered brained and confused I dont even know what to do with myself, its like i cant make my own decisions, What the hell is wrong with me.

I watched all 22 chapters of Trapped in the Closet today, and now I listening to the Rent Soundtrack.

I want to see Color Purple in June, who's with me.

I'm torn as to if I want to see Jennifer Hudson, between her and Robin Thicke, that concert is boo-loving...And I have no Boo. BOOOOOOOO. lol.

i didnt...
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who's dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
While wiping his chin
If my ear were a hole i could fuck it.

Between the Lions

I'm not happy anymore. I have no motivation to do anything, go to school, work, wake up, watch tv, eat. Its like I serve no purpose. I almost forgot I could be happy until I went to Florida. I havent been happy since I left Florida, almost a year ago. That is due to multiple things, I didnt live with my parents, I could do what I wanted. Now that im 21, I feel like im doing nothing with my life, I go to school and work, but what am I really accomplishing? Its like my life has hit pause, everything's so damn repetitive, there is no variety, everyday is the same, all my friends live in different states, im the only one stuck here with no life goals. I've given up on so much it scares me. I am currently thinking about moving to Florida, but will I be moving for the right reasons? Because its real life, its not being a CP anymore. I know that the more I think about it, the more excuses I can come up with, I need to just do it. But again I have no motivation.

Periods are gay. Period.

I think I may literally drive myself crazy worrying about being clingy. I'm crying every two seconds like a pyschopath, and my head is aching, I have no motivation to do anything. I literally dont want to get up out of the bed anymore. Now I approach everything with an I dont feel like it mentality. And apparently im not getting fired. I have to ability to move to Florida when i'm good and ready. Im not done being a child yet. I know its because im on my period, but some of these feelings are also valid, ive been feeling them long before now. I just want them to go away. Will someone please give me the strength. Or help me rip out my ovaries?

Birthdays were the best days

I love him, a good genuine platonic friendship love. We hadnt seen each other in 8 months, but it was like we were still in Disney living 2 buildings from eachother. Im happy that we got to spend as much time together as we did, because we cant see eachother that often our time is valuable. No matter how many times I go to Florida and come back saying bye to him has never gotten any easier. It still hurts it still makes me cry, I still am left to wonder when we can hang out again. As i get older i'm faced with new situations, these long distance friendships are hard. He told me I was his "female" best friend lol. As long as I always remain important enough to have a title I dont care. This sucks. But I can say I have no regrets, he knows I love him, and he's a good friend to me, just as much as I know he loves me and values our friendship. I do think we should probably talk more often but I dont really like talking on the phone *lie* we both have to work on that. I've never had to work hard to keep a friend, its worth it though.

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday...

It's my birthday yay! Lol. No real plans. Just hanging out with my best friends. I'[m super happy I got what I wanted for my birthday. Just to hang out with BF. So what more could I ask for? Sure im broke, but whats it matter? So my latest cell phone, lived a short yet productive life. Definately was put to use. Oh well, my phones just like to leave me hanging in times of need.

You can find me in the club....

Chilling in this 81 degree weather with my BF and my BFF. Flight was good.

I've been playing myslef to say that i've got time to do things.
But I dont.

2 dayssssssssssss.

Rabbit, Rabbit

I once heard on Nickelodeon that if you said Rabbit Rabbit on the first of each month it will bring you good luck. That was years ago, I dunno why i still remember that. I'd like to take the time to give a shout-out to my mans Bigsmoove, celebrating that two-one. Holla. The countdown has officially begun...6 mother-F******, (freaking) days until my birthday. hoe. 4 days until Florida....reckless. I wasnt that excited about it before, but maybe because I felt like this week would never get here or i'd be in jail because of my job. So I talked to BF yesterday, I told him (again) I was going to be in Florida, he seemed excited, which makes me excited, so i'm happy. The only trick to not let work get me down until then, i'm keeping high spirits.
She's your queeeeennnn toooo beeeeee....