Story of my life...its always the same. Its only ever had any long term potential one time. And that time comes back to me again and again. I wish it would change I wish it could be. But it won't and can't. How many times can you realize it won't work. I let myself fall over and over again sometimes its worse than before. But the ending is always the same. I'm left nurturing my broken spirit. Picking myself up off the ground, accepting that yet again I've fallen for a man who wanted no more than to bust a nut. No intentions of even knowing who I am. Realizing I'm a good person. Just seeing a girl and a warm place to put their penis. One time it happened though, I met a boy who I fell in love with who fell in love with me too. It was genuinely love at first sight. But so many stipulations prevent us from achieving what we could, some many boundaries keeping us from what I know could be great. Ill never know though. Something has to give. Anything.

Fragile a lil bit I can tell your digging me...

Im not in love...but I definitely love him. He really is amazing. I've never met someone so open and honest who has proven in a short time how much he genuinely cares for me. Connections like this aren't made everyday, week, or year. I just have to decide he's worth it, because I have to wait, I have to wait until we don't have to hide, until we can be open about our situation. Which will be soon, I hope it will all be worth it, if anything I know we are destined for greatness wherever or however we end up. I sincerely thank God for bringing us together. Let's just hope I can be mature enough not to fuck it up. Im working on being open and not keeping my feelings and emotions to myself and so far it's working and im happy.

Dont leave me out on a limb...

I know you. I know how you are what you do. The way you go about handling things, the shit that really pisses you off and what makes you happy. I thought I knew how you felt about me, but im questioning it. I know how I feel about you , I love you. In every sense, i can look into your eyes and feel as if nothing else matters but being right there, I can hear your voice and make any problem go away. Being wrapped in your arms makes me feel like im floating. No one else has ever made me feel this way. I thought it was because we have a connection. One that will never go away. But...how many people can you do this too at a time, granted alot of things can be one sided, but is it? You fill girls heads with all the things they want to.hear, you do the things they feel they dont deserve...is this the game you run? This has gone on far too long for no reason. We have never achieved anything. But all these other chicks come and go. Am I supposed to sit and watch them get what I want? Am I supposed to just wait for you to get bored and come back to me? I love you. I want to be with you. But I realize it will never happen. Im wasting my time even trying. When im with you everything is good. But I feel like Im apart of some game. Your shady. Be upfront in your shit and you gain more respect. Your a love slave. You look for people to fall in love with instead of letting it happen. Youll never see this though, Youll never know
..ill just continue to drive myself crazy with what ifs and maybes. Most importantly....I thought you loved me....you cant, or it wouldnt be like this.

Forever in Love, It's like we never skipped a beat. Life passes us by but feelings never changed.

Thank God I dodged a bullet.

What you do to me is crazy. My feelings for you are absurd. I long for that moment when I can again feel your embrace. Hearing your voice takes all the pain away. Knowing you love me is enough to forgive you for all youve done. I love you. It took a long time to realize that this shit might just be real and not just two being passing through eachothers life. Im still not sure of an outcome....because we can never sit and discuss our feelings. I know I miss you and we have some things to work out. I know we could never be together. Our priorities our different. As much as I want the better for you. I have to get my own shit together. Buy for both our sakes. We need to talk.

Grenade

I could throw grenade at myself for making one of the worst decisions of my life. And now trying to reverse it is becoming impossible. It really is. I cant do anything, go anywhere, talk to anyone without it being a problem. Possesive was 4 months ago this is a new level. I stopped seeing the point of this a long time ago. Especially when I know who I love and want to be with. But getting out of this shit is way easier to talk about then to do. I just wish I thought about this for real and not jumped on my first boat to freedom. I enjoy being on my own. But I have no privacy and I have more restrictions then before. I wish I could go back. But I cant. I dont even think I can get out of this.

Im not yo daddy

It really shouldnt of made me that happy.
But it did.
It all makes me happy.