Walking down the street with a soda can in my hand

First of all, they OD about the fact that Omarion was absent. Second, Really, does this sound like B2k?

i dont know.....

My gift to myself for my 21st birthday, besides my Orlando weekend extravaganza, is my first piece of real bling. Actual 14k white gold, diamonds like .0009999 carats, and 1/2 carat Aquamarine, my birthstone. Picture doesnt really do it justice, but im happy. Even though that joint was behind the bush to the left of the door. At least he took the time to write it and not just leave it.

I've been wearing my glasses for a week now, I kinda like it, gives me more personality.

My other ones are red, too bad America's Best in Forestville, lost my other glasses. Not that I really expected alot from them, but I mean, can I at least get my glasses.

My job is still trying to play everybody, no one knows the outcome of anything, its just a completely shady situation, and after thinking about it, I know I cant trust anyone, and I can only get another job and leave the foolishness behind.

BEHINDDDDDD......

12 dayssssss......

Throwing back

Lo-key I was in love, thats why I can't let it go. A little(young) girl in love. For what reasons though? Why let yourself fall in love when in the end you get played? Like the movie said Peoples who situations work out are the exception, I am the rule. When you really love someone that feeling will never go away. You can stop being in love with them, but not loving them. I love very people, I know that internally I have very high expectations of people who are really my friends, and triple those expectations for the people I end up falling in love with. I guess due to the fact I dont fall in love left and right makes it harder to let go of those situations. I've only really been in love and a half times. Okay maybe 3/4. I bring this up because I sent throwback a text yesterday, just because I had a weak moment and really actually, wanted to hear his voice, but I didnt have the courage to get that far. So now i'm left with how i've been feeling for the past couple of months amplified because he didnt answer back my last text, a small detail to some, but to me too many possibilities. Especially because I regret even letting him know he still crosses my mind. Now im left with my thoughts, my apprehensions, my internal issues. I know that I can only open the doors of communication, I cant force them to stay open. But for some reason I feel like we should be back in contact, but I cant afford for him to play me again, I know I love him, always will, nothing will change that.

Your shady like the whites...(of your eyes)

Im heated:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List__Black_Academy_Award_winners_and_nominees
This is ridiculous. I mean really, and if you think they played black people, look at the list for Asians, its all in Foreign Language and Cinematography.


My job has officially played me, im done, im pretty sure im gonna be fired, but its the grounds that I will be fired under are unfair and people only look out for themselves and everyone is held on a different standard. I lose out in the equation because the district manager doesnt like me, so he wont vouch for my character, when I bent over backwards for that damn store, but I realize that once people realize there jobs arent in danger, they dont give a shit. Not worth a damn, and honestly the timing is fishy, you mean to tell me you think I stole 1500 dollars and you didnt find out for 3 months? Bullshit. This whole fiasco comes at a time when we were told that one of the supervisors had to go and the store couldnt afford 3. Really strange if i do say so myself. Best believe I wont just accept this shit, because its ridiculous, and now I hate myself for being so honest, all the money I had access too, I couldve been pocketed that shit, but no for my own personal integrity and in hopes that I wouldnt go down like every other supervisor, but in the end I guess its all corrupted. You cant trust white people and you cant trust black people in higher positions, because honestly no one gives a shit.

More fuel to keep my hopes up for my birthday, I'm going all out, I need a break, I need some time to be able to escape some things for awhile.
Honestly, I know God would never put more on me then I can bear, It's always worked out in the end, this time is a little worse but I know its for a reason, either a lesson learned or a gateway to a better situation. A reason to get my shit together and move out, to stop whining and complaining about not talking to certain persons, to just call them because there is absolutely, nothing I can lose, only gain.
And if situations dont work out the way I hope...then I'll flush out all the bad stuff at one time.

I just need a day of laughter, chilling, and hanging out. To hold onto until my birthday.

Because this current string of events is causing me to reach a serious low
point.

Miss Katie, I am a gangsta

I cant sleep, im sore, i took a tumble similar to Scarlet's only I was closer to the ground. lol. Found my freekum Birthday dress. lo key its Baby Phat a cute dress. with these shoesi will be doing the absolute most, which I plan to be anyway. However I have yet to call this man and let him know i'll be down there. The problem is a would I rather be played in advance and be heated while im down there, or be happy and get played and heated on my birthday, I have yet to decide, I know im gonna be heated, not really any questions about that, but how can I soften the blow no homo.

P.S. Latte making may soon be out of the picture for me. I dont really think so, but you never know, people of higher power are shady individuals, and are always looking to make an example, I hope that my dedication despite being mentally drained all the time, will prosper. I work my ass behind off for that place.

With that being said, nothing will ruin my birthday. nothing at all I refuse.
I've never had a birthday where anything I need to go right, worked out. I never really did anything beyond go to dinner, so this year Im pretty much gonna do whatever I want.
As I pop some more pills to remove the pain, I leave you with this video, which is pretty much what ive been watching all day

I'm emotional, and i cant let it go, I am trying to hold onto you.

Everyone always gives me the *side eye* when I tell them I dont want to have any children. "oh, you'll change your mind, your so young" There are people my age with child(ren) already. I discovered not too long ago the true reason why I dont have the desire. My childhood. No I wasnt beat, (for no reason) or deprived of anything I really needed, but mentally and emotionally, it just didnt cut it. I think about my relationship with my father and how so many people grew up without one, but what where they really missing? My father, though there physically provides no type of support, whatsoever. Though there financially. He still lets me know everyday how i cant do anything right, how im still living at home because mentally im not ready to be on my own, I dont know how to do anything, I cant think for myself, and i act too much like a "woman", a whole different topic. My argument to him my whole life, was and still is " Why doesnt bother you that no one your children, while living with you liked you?" "Why can't you just answer my questions?" Everything is always a argument, and I know how unintentionally people always act like there parents, there the models they had during there most developmental period. And while since going to florida and coming back my mother has become less of an enemy, never a friend, my parents dont try to create a union with me. Its my responsibility to create and solve my own mistakes, however, I do believe that there support instead of constant dissaproval would help. Because of this I have no motivation, to go to school, to go to work, I just want to go back to Florida as much as I can, because that's where i could be free, the whole time i was down there I dressed a hot mess, and it never dawned on me until I looked at the pictures. LOL. But since moving down there would make it real life would it still be fun?

I think that Disney provides a safety net, you tend to live with fellow cast
members, and only befriend them, only because they are the only ones who
understand.

I do think that this is where I belong, but I dont know how to make things happen. Honestly, I never really had to try hard to do anything, It always just came through. For example me and bf, I love him, all homo, lol. And I am genuinely concerned that our friendship will be non-existent if we keep going on without talking. But I dont know how to just call him and talk to him, without being lame, or acting like a girl, but I think that by me trying so hard not to be lame, Im just making it worse. I know that for my birthday the best gift, aside from someone paying for me to go to school. would be for him to come and hang out with me, so I guess I'll have to call him, and let him know, this isnt a regular day, so if it doesnt work out, im torching his apartment, going to be really upset,

But now this is the end

Tell me what's the use of holding on

If we can't be friends

But it will work out, so whatever.

My girl

First off, My boo killed it!


Im gonna be the first person to buy a ticket to her concert.