Throwing back

Lo-key I was in love, thats why I can't let it go. A little(young) girl in love. For what reasons though? Why let yourself fall in love when in the end you get played? Like the movie said Peoples who situations work out are the exception, I am the rule. When you really love someone that feeling will never go away. You can stop being in love with them, but not loving them. I love very people, I know that internally I have very high expectations of people who are really my friends, and triple those expectations for the people I end up falling in love with. I guess due to the fact I dont fall in love left and right makes it harder to let go of those situations. I've only really been in love and a half times. Okay maybe 3/4. I bring this up because I sent throwback a text yesterday, just because I had a weak moment and really actually, wanted to hear his voice, but I didnt have the courage to get that far. So now i'm left with how i've been feeling for the past couple of months amplified because he didnt answer back my last text, a small detail to some, but to me too many possibilities. Especially because I regret even letting him know he still crosses my mind. Now im left with my thoughts, my apprehensions, my internal issues. I know that I can only open the doors of communication, I cant force them to stay open. But for some reason I feel like we should be back in contact, but I cant afford for him to play me again, I know I love him, always will, nothing will change that.